There's a reason many people wish that
real life was more like the movies, but who really wants the movies
to be just like real life? Really,
what kind of person wants that? (Turns
out, at least one of the writer-directors is from Portland. Enough
said.)
Apparently the
people responsible for “Land Ho!” believed this was what
audiences wanted. The result is a movie that could've been
enjoyable, but instead is akin to watching a montage of vacation
photos. There's no point, no real overarching theme besides the
location itself, and certainly nothing to take with you after leaving
the theater.
It starts off promising enough. Colin
(Paul Eenhoorn) and Mitch (Earl Lynn Nelson) are two senior citizens
with a long friendship and some snappy dialogue (at first at least)
between them. Mitch decides they're in something of a rut, and he
insists on funding a trip to Iceland. Colin is reluctant, but agrees
to go without too much of a fuss.
Mitch is really the only bright spot,
as well as the only reason to keep even a minimal interest. He's
old, but still very much alive, a humorous, lusty old womanizer with
a soft underbelly, a stark contrast to the quieter, gentler Colin.
When they arrive, they do what old
friends do when they're sightseeing: they take in the countryside,
try some of the food, and chat a bit. They even quarrel a little.
But there doesn't seem to be any point to any of it. It's as if the
filmmakers forgot one of the major
principles of filmmaking itself: that at least one thing in a
movie should have a point.
Sure, Mitch and Colin discuss their lives, but there's not any major
revelations. They dine on exotic food, that at least one time is
served on a rock, but we barely get to see it or know what it is.
It's all part of the film's overall lack of any sort of focus that
drags it down throughout. If these
very promising leads were given more to work with, they'd be a
genuine joy to watch. The chemistry seems to flow effortlessly from
them, they're charming without being cute, yet remain firmly
believable throughout.
But it actually gets worse the longer
we stay with them. To watch this movie, you'd think that women
simply disappear off the face of the planet when they turn 35, since
there are no female characters that are the age of our two
protagonists. If any had showed up, things would've felt a hell of a
lot less sexist. That means Mitch's bawdy remarks to the few female
characters are a lot less funny, and when one of the guys does get
lucky, it feels that much more unnatural.
My personal background certainly
doesn't help. As beautiful as the scenery is, it's also as empty and
devoid of life as the movie's
script. As someone who grew up in Wyoming, a lot of the sights, such
as the hills, the geysers, the hot springs, are all things I'm
actually familiar
with, particularly around Yellowstone National Park. And its
beautiful landscapes are teeming with wildlife such as bears,
buffalo, and moose. And for all the wonderful Icelandic scenery on
display, its wildlife is noticeably absent. It made me wonder why
Mitch spent so much money to see something already available in the
U.S. for much less cash.
A vacation movie that makes you want to
stay home. Is there really anything worse?
Grade: D
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